27 October, 2020

Tips on making long distance relationship work

Going the distance, Dear John, One day, The time traveler’s wife, Like crazy. What do these 5 movies have in common? These are movies that depict long-distance relationships. Let me just state the fact that long-distance relationships are the worst. I know because I have been in one, more than one. You are finally at peace cos after endless searching and swiping on dating sites like Tinder, OKC, Bumble etch you have met someone you think is worth holding on to. You are just happy to have found this person. Just one glitch… You are separated by miles. Although you are convinced in your heart that you belong together the thought that creeps in is you begin to wonder if your relationship will survive the miles between you.

If you are one of those who are struggling to keep the fire burning in your love life and want to find ways to keep the spark alive read on

1.Celebrate Small Moments

Constant underlying uncertainty of everything is one of the things that kill long-distance relationships. The longer you and your lover are part uncertainties can grow into legitimate existential crises. This is where it’s imperative to always have a date that you are both looking forward to. It could be the day you shared your first coffee date, the day you held hands watching a movie, your first kiss, a vacation perhaps, etc. When you stop having some milestone to look forward to, the harder it will be to maintain the same enthusiasm for, and optimism in, each other. Just like a flowering plant not blooming flowers is a sign of it not growing a relationship not growing it’s a sign that it’s dying. You must grow in a long-distance relationship. Ensure you have a goal you are moving towards if not you will surely drift apart.

2. Communication Should Happen Organically

Did you know that cacti can bloom? Yes, those prickly green plants burst out some of the most beautiful flowers you’ve ever seen. Try watering it every day. It’s bound to die. The same goes for communication. It is critical to understand that you talk to each other only when you want to, not because you have to or it’s an expectation. Sometimes going without talking to each other for a couple of days is a healthy sign where you’ve ensured you have some “Me time”. People do have other things they need to attend to and it would be a sign of maturity to understand that and embrace it. 

3. Be slow to judge

In a long-distance relationship, couples have limited exposure to a person and the events they are involved in, we start to make assumptions or judgments that are often either amplified or else completely wrong. These manifest themselves in various ways within a long-distance relationship. There are cases where people get jealous or irrationally possessive because they cannot help themselves from perceiving every casual social outing as a potential threat to a relationship. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” doesn’t help in the situation. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, pay attention to your feelings. Make it a habit to consciously remind yourself that you don’t know what’s going on and the practical solution would be to simply talk to your partner about what they’re feeling and about what you’re feeling. 

4. Love Is Not Enough – Meet Often

Hope is the keyword to make an online relationship work. There has to be a common vision that the two people involved will one day be together and achieve a Happily Ever After. If you do not share that vision I guarantee you that your relationship will cease to exist in the long haul. It is of utmost importance for the couple in love to have life visions that are aligned, have mutual interests, and shared values. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to the vision of having a possible future together and more than that you should feel that you’re both working towards that vision. You must have some cause that unites you at all times.

5.Focus On What You Love About Your Relationship

It is recommended that using frequent verbal assurances with one another helps the couple to make their bond stronger. They help reduce negative feelings and clarify where you stand as a couple. Make sure when you talk next you tell your partner how much you love and appreciate your relationship. Tell them how they are unique how they make you feel. If for some reason you’re feeling uncertain about where you stand in the relationship, don’t hesitate to ask for reassurance for yourself. Who doesn’t want to hear “I love you and wish we could be together today,”? 

6.Respect The Reason Why You’re Apart

There will be days that are difficult and you may be tempted to do something impulsive – like drop out of college or leave the job you worked so hard for so that you can be with the person you love. Though it may sound romantic, trust me that will be a disaster in the making. There is a reason why you are a part in the first reason to even begin with. The reason may hinge on a professional, financial, or family situation that needs to play out properly until the timing is right for you both to be together geographically. Don’t be impatient. In the long run, your relationship will be stronger and you will finish what you started.

In the end, all I want to say is that distance prevents intimacy from forming in a meaningful way. It’s easy to glorify and romanticize each other when you’re apart. The obvious question then arises “Can it work”? Yes, it can. Is it easy? no. But then again, no relationships are. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ever at least try.

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